Why Magical people shouldn't go to grocery store
by Valias
Summary: Harry, Hermione, and Ron and the whole of the sixth years go to the supermarket for a field trip
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: It may come as no surprise that I do not own Harry Potter, characters, settings, merchandise, Oreos, Cheese Nips, est. nor am I making a profit of any sort but the satisfaction of people reading and enjoying my fics! R&R : )  
  
The Hogwart's class trip to the supermarket  
  
Chapter 1: Why magical people should never go to the grocery store  
  
On the bus (They have to take a bus b/c the train says Platform 9 ¾.) Neville: We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz! Harry: Um, Neville, we're just going to the supermarket... Neville: Oh...*turns red* Hermione: I can't wait to see everyone's reactions to a muggle store. They're really quite big, you know. Ron: What kind of food is there, Hermione? Hermione: Oh, lots. Basically every type of food in the food pyramid. Ron: The what? There's a pyramid made out of food? Hermione: *sighs* Never mind. Ron: Is there butterbeer or chocolate frogs? Hermione: There's no butterbeer, but there is chocolate frogs; they don't jump though. Ron: What a rip off!  
  
On the top layer of the bus, where Draco is sitting w/ Crabbe and Goyle. Draco: I can't believe we're going to a stupid muggle supermarket. I mean, what's the point? We have every kind of food at Hogwarts!  
  
*Crabbe and Goyle laugh stupidly*  
  
In the front of the bus, where Dumbledore is sitting with the faculty.* Dumbledore: We're off to the supermarket, the wonderful supermarket. Snape: *looks annoyed* Albus, can I ask you why we are taking the students on a trip to the supermarket? Dumbledore: Why not? Can you think of a good reason not to? Snape: How about class. Dumbledore: Oh, loosen your wedgie, Severus. Everyone needs a break once in a while.  
  
On the top layer of the bus, where Draco is sitting.* Draco: How about we think of a way to annoy Potter and his stupid friends. *Crabbe and Goyle grunt in agreement.*  
  
*The bus arrives at the supermarket called Weis. (I don't know if there's a Weis in Britain. If there isn't, then just think there is for this fic.) *Everyone gasps in awe. Everyone except the Slytherins and muggle-borns, of course.  
  
Ron: Wow, I never saw a muggle supermarket before! Dad told me about them though. He once went in one, and mum was looking for him for an hour! He came out with about ten bags filled with all sorts of toys in round, clear plastic containers. Mum was fuming mad!  
  
Harry: The Dursley's took me to one once, and made me bag the groceries.  
  
Hermione: Uh...I go to them all the time in the summer. They have food, magazines, plants, pet food, toothpaste, plastic jewelry, and a lot more.  
  
Dumbledore: Now, I realize this is a field trip. But, the Ministry of Magic thinks it needs to be "educational." So, I have made a scavenger hunt. Split into groups of three, find the items, and pay for them with the muggle money I have converted. Whoever pays for their items first wins. *McGonagall hands out muggle money to everyone.* Dumbledore: Oh, and there are these rather clever machines in there I like to call the "junk machines" Just don't waist all your time and money buying stuff from them, and good luck! *Dumbledore ambles to the junk machines in the lobby of the Weis, pockets full of quarters.*  
  
Draco: This is a lot of money. *He carefully counts it all.* Hey...we don't really have to spend it on groceries, do we guys? *Crabbe and Goyle stare blankly at him; McGonagall hears what Draco said and strides over to him.*  
  
McGonagall: Mr. Malfoy, if I find that you spend so much as a pound on something other than something that's on the list, you will be rewarded with a detention and 50 points from your house. Do I make myself clear?  
  
Malfoy: But Dumbledore said we could buy stuff from the junk machines?  
  
McGonagall: That's b/c it's on the list. Now get a move on, you're wasting time. *Draco runs into the store, determined to win the scavenger hunt.*  
  
*Harry's group* Harry: *reading list* So the first thing we need to get is 3 items from the junk machines. *They stroll to the junk machines in the lobby.* Ron: Holy butterbeers! Look at all the stuff you can get! Hermione: Don't hold your breath, Ron. Everything's either plastic or cheap metal. Ron: Oh...what are you going to get, Harry? Harry: I don't know, hey there's candy too. Ron: Really? Maybe I'll get some... Hermione: Well hurry up, we're in this to win! Harry: Why do you want to win so bad, Hermione? Hermione: We can't let Malfoy and the Gits win, can we? Harry: You're right. OK, I'll get...um...er... *Hermione puts her 50 pence piece in the slot, turns the handle, and out pops a metal ring with a plastic jewel in a clear plastic container.* Hermione: Ha! Just what I wanted! *Harry does the same to another machine and gets a mini My Little Pony. Everyone stares at him.* Harry: What? I was aiming for the army figure! *turns red* *Ron puts his 50 pence piece in a machine but can't get the handle to turn.* Hermione: Ron, you turn it the other way. Ron: What? Oh, *blushes* thanks. *He turns it the right way and out pops a green slime ball in a plastic container* Excellent!  
  
Harry: Ok, lets go.  
  
Ron: Wait, I...can't....get...this...open! aarrrg  
  
Hermione: Why do you want to open that now, Ron?  
  
Ron: Because...it's...cool.... ARRGG..... *He finally opened the container with such force that the slime ball flew up and stuck to the ceiling.  
  
*Harry and Hermione burst out laughing.*  
  
Harry: Ha...good one, Ron! *Ron can't help it; he laughs too.*  
  
Ron: Now I have to get another one for the scavenger hunt...hang on  
  
Hermione: Ok, me and Harry will meet you in the junk food aisle. We're already 10 minutes behind!  
  
Ron: Ok. *Harry and Hermione walk away as Ron gets out another 50 pence piece and it takes him 8 minutes to figure out that he'd turned the handle on the machine the wrong way again. Meanwhile, Harry and Hermione arrive at the junk food aisle. Harry looks at the list.*  
  
Harry: We need a box of Oreos...  
  
Hermione: Double-stuffed or regular?  
  
Harry: Er...regular. *Hermione grabs a package of regular Oreos.*  
  
Hermione: Anything else?  
  
Harry: Yeah, cheese nips and WHAT? HARRY POTTER GRAHAM CRACKERS? (A/N: I doubt if they exist.)  
  
Hermione: Don't ask, stupid merchandising. *grabs the cheese nips and graham crackers; Harry looks baffled and a little freaked out that there's graham crackers that look like him!...and his friends.*  
  
Harry: Er..ok...maybe we should have gotten a cart.  
  
Hermione: Yeah...RON!!!!! *Ron comes cruising down the aisle, cruising on the cart as if it were a scooter, he crashes into the cookie shelf, and Harry and Hermione have just enough time to avoid being hit with thousands of cookies.*  
  
Ron: ARRGGHH....*gets out of the pile of cookies, brushes crumbs of himself and says, "Hey, that was fun! I should try that again..."  
  
Hermione: NO, RON! Oh good, there's Dumbledore...?!??!  
  
Dumbledore: What happened? *waves his wand and the shelf repairs itself and the cookies go back on it; luckily, as it was a Tuesday, there were not many muggles there and none saw him doing magic.*  
  
Ron: Er...cart cruising...  
  
Dumbledore: Ah, I used to cart cruise myself as a young wizard, but as you can see my crooked nose...  
  
Harry: Professor, sir, what's all over your face? *Dumbledore's face is covered in small star tattoos.*  
  
Dumbledore: *chuckling* Oh, I got these fake tattoos from the junk machines and couldn't resist. Now run along, I don't want Slytherin to win...oh, and...*pulls a green slime ball out of his beard, which Ron just noticed was there, and looks fearful* The strangest thing happened while I was at the junk machines... this slimeball appeared to have fallen from the ceiling and into my beard...Do any of you know who's this is?  
  
Ron: *Face rises to 100 degrees* No *he lied*  
  
Dumbledore: Very well, I was just wondering where I could get one myself...  
  
Ron: Their in one of the bottom junk machines...oops *Dumbledore says "thanks," winks at him, and ambles away. Ron breathes a sigh of relief.*  
  
~*~End of Chapter 1. I'll only continue with this if I get between 5 and 10 reviews. Does anyone have any ideas for further chapters, what Malfoy's plan to get back at Harry and his friends should be, etc.? E-mail ideas to me at Springkitten88@yahoo.com and read my other fics if you want!~*~ Challenge 1: (sorry, I posted the same challenges in one of my other fics)Someone should write a fic where the HP characters discover that there are movies about them (which they get freaked out about), and try to get back at the actors and Chris Columbus by making a much better movie (movie one or two and stuff not included in the movie(s) that was in the books, but don't make up stuff that wasn't in the books) and mailing it to Chris Columbus, the actors, and J.K. Rowling. How did they discover the movies? Imagine what Chris's reaction would be! Panic? Laughter? He thinks it's a joke at first, but then he realizes the special effects aren't effects at all...they're real! What are the actors' reactions? And J.K. Rowling's? Will the HP characters go right to the studio, or will the studio go to this "supposed Hogwarts" to see if it is real? Continue the story from then on; I'd really like to see this become a story!  
  
Challenge 2: Similar, but different. What would happen if Harry, Ron, and Hermione happened to be walking down the street in London (or anywhere in the UK, during the summer holidays or during break) and people started asking for their autographs b/c they think they are Dan Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, and Emma Watson? How would they react? Maybe they all react differently. OR what if the actors bumped into the HP characters on the street? Would they all freak out? Would fans know the difference? (Just pretend they really look like the characters from the book so it'll work) Would they try to confuse Chris Columbus firsthand? Maybe they decide to switch places for a day (or a week, however long you want) so the real HP characters (Harry, Ron and Hermione) got to film PoA and the actors got to go to Hogwarts? Would complications arise? Would the HP characters have to do events such as movie premieres/interviews as the actors? Would the actors have to deal with Snape, Quidditch or even Voldemort? Would the teachers/director/film crew/fans/their parents know the difference? Continue the story from there and let me know if you decide to do this! 


	2. Confrontation with Draco, the breakfast ...

Disclaimer: Hey, you may find this hard to believe, but I still do not own Harry Potter, characters, settings, merchandise, Weis supermarkets, Pop tarts, Fruit Loops, etc. Harry Potter is property of J.K. Rowling, the WB, Scholastic, etc. etc.  
  
P.S.: I forgot to mention what everyone was wearing. They're all wearing muggle clothes, even Snape, though his are all black. And he actually washed his hair for once.  
  
Thanks to PuchikoKitty for being my first reviewer and Space Toaster1 for being my second. Keep the reviews coming! : )  
  
Chapter 2: Confrontation with Draco, the breakfast food aisle, and more  
  
*Harry, Ron, and Hermione are still in the junk food aisle.*  
  
Ron: So what did you get so far?  
  
Hermione: Oh, just some Cheese Nips, Oreos, and Harry Potter graham crackers...  
  
Ron: WHAT?  
  
Harry: Don't ask. *Ron, like Harry, looks confused. Just then, Dumbledore ambles back to the junk food aisle. This time he is wearing some of those cheap metal chain necklaces. Ron looks frightened.*  
  
Hermione: Hello, Professor.  
  
Dumbledore: Hi, Miss. Granger. *sees Ron's face* I just forgot to pick up some Oreos; I'm all out. *Dumbledore grabs a package of Oreos and ambles away.*  
  
Harry: He sure likes to amble. So, what's next?  
  
Hermione: Um... *scans list* We need to go to the breakfast food aisle.  
  
Harry: Where's that? *The PA system comes on and a very bored-sounding male who sounds more unenthusiastic than Professor Binns says, "Attention Weis shoppers, today is Tuesday..."*  
  
Ron: WHAT IS THAT?  
  
Hermione: Shh, Ron! *The bored man continues, "Today we have a deal on cereal, that's right, all General Mills cereal is 50-75% off today only. Remember, cereal can be found in aisle 4. Yadda, yadda, I hate my job. (his boss yells at him) Sorry... Once again, thank you for shopping at Weis.*  
  
Harry: Let's go. *They walk to the end of the junk food aisle, turn a corner, and almost run into Draco and his two cronies.*  
  
Draco: Watch where you're going, Potter.  
  
Harry: Why don't you watch where you're going, Malfoy? *he mocks back*  
  
Draco:*looks menacing* Oh, no, I'd watch where you're going if I were you. It's a big store. No one wants the ickle Potty-kins to get lost. *While Harry and Ron whip out their wands in unison and point them at Draco, Crabbe and Goyle finally start to laugh at Draco's comment.*  
  
Hermione: Don't! This is a public place, there are muggles here! *Harry and Ron slowly put their wands away.*  
  
Draco: *laughs as he walks away, and after a couple of minutes, Crabbe and Goyle start to laugh.*  
  
*Harry, Ron, and Hermione walk to the breakfast food aisle.*  
  
Ron: Where's the eggs?  
  
Hermione: They're in the dairy aisle.  
  
Ron: These muggles have got some screws loose.  
  
Harry: What do we need from here?  
  
Hermione: We each get a box of cereal of our choice... *Hermione grabs Banana Nut Crunch, Harry scans the cereal for awhile. After all, he had to endure bran cereal for breakfast at the Dursley's b/c of Dudley's diet.*  
  
Ron: I got mine. *Throws a box of Fruit Loops in the cart. Harry grabs a box of Boo Berry cereal. Ron looks at the box and laughs at it.*  
  
Harry: What's so funny?  
  
Ron: They...think...that's...what...ghosts...look like? *laughs more*  
  
Hermione: Well I don't think parents would let their children by a box of cereal with a ghost that was nearly headless, would they? Here Ron, you take the list. *hands Ron the list.*  
  
Ron: Ok...er...we need one box of Pop tarts, any kind.  
  
Harry: *walks to where the Pop tarts are stacked.* I don't believe this...  
  
Ron: *walks over to Pop tarts* Bloody hell, Harry Potter Pop tarts, what next? This is too weird... (A/N: again, I don't know if they exist.) *The Pop tarts are midnight blue with yellow lightning bolts, snitches, and broomsticks on them.* Pumpkin flavored! Mmm... *grabs the Pop tarts*  
  
Hermione: Anything else from here?  
  
Ron: Nope. Now we need to go to the frozen food aisle.  
  
Harry: *squints to read the signs that are hung from the ceiling. It's two aisles down. *they walk to the frozen food aisle.* (A/N: This is just where the t.v. dinners are.)  
  
Ron: You'd think it would be easier to just put the wingardium leviosa spell on the signs... *they arrive at the frozen food aisle* It's freezing. *shivers*  
  
Hermione: Well it is the frozen food section...  
  
Ron: Haven't they ever heard of fireplaces?  
  
Hermione *rolls her eyes* Give me that, you're wasting time! *rips the list out of his hands; Ron looks shocked* Ok we each get a t.v. dinner.  
  
Harry: I'm used to these, but the bland Lean Cuisine ones. *Grabs a Boston Market chicken meal*  
  
Ron: Hmm...*looks at the variety, but finally settles on a Salisbury steak meal that is meant for a family of ten. Harry and Hermione look at him strange* What? I'm hungry!  
  
Hermione: *gets a frozen lasagna meal* Ok, that's all we need from here. Next is the dairy isle, which is just at the end of this aisle. *they walk to the dairy aisle, but come to a bizarre sight. The few muggles that are at the store are bombarding Snape.*  
  
Muggle 1: OMG, you're that guy from Die Hard!  
  
Muggle 2: It's Alan Rickman, you git!  
  
Muggle 3: *is star struck and just stares at him*  
  
Ron: HEY, that's my word! *Muggles 1, 2, and 3 look at Ron, and run over to him.*  
  
Muggle 2: Rupert Grint, OMG, can I have your autograph?  
  
Muggle 3: *is still star struck*  
  
Ron: Huh? I'm Ron Weasley! *Muggles 1 and 2 look at Ron as though he is insane, and Muggle 3 finally comes out of her reverie.*  
  
Muggle 3: You freak, it's just a movie. *the muggles run away from him, and go back to Snape.*  
  
Snape: I'm not Alan Rickman; I'm much better looking than him. *looks offended*  
  
Muggle 2: Well you're definitely not Snape, your hair isn't greasy enough!  
  
Snape: You'd better watch it kid, if Dumbledore wasn't here, I'd turn you into a dung beetle. *All the muggles run away.*  
  
Ron: *turns to Hermione.* Do I dare ask? *Hermione shakes her head.* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Question 1: What movie is this line from? "Red rover red rover, let Art go on over." If you know the answer, say it in your review. This one should be easy/medium.  
  
~*~*~End of Chapter 3. That was about 3 pages on Microsoft Word. Again, I'll continue if I get between 5 and 10 reviews and if I'm not too busy.~*~* : )  
  
Is anyone going to try any of the challenges I made last chapter? 


	3. The dairy, canned food, and sweets aisle...

Disclaimer: Look, I know you're all getting tired of seeing this thing posted on every chapter, but hey, I have to, so here goes: I do not own Harry Potter, characters, settings, related indicia, Colby and Monterey Jack cheese, chocolate milk, etc. Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling (of course), the WB, and anyone else who owns it. Milk is originally owned by cows, goats, etc.  
  
Thanks to these people for reviewing this chapter: bookwormem, avadakedavra922 and both for being regular reviewers! The answer to the trivia question was Forrest Gump. I'll try to get a chapter in like a week or two.  
  
P.S.: Either no one noticed the ? at the bottom of the 2nd chapter, didn't know, or just didn't answer it, the answer to the ? was The Burbs (w/Tom Hanks, of course). R&R : )  
  
Chapter 3: The dairy, canned food, and sweets aisles  
  
*Harry and Ron are still recovering from the shock of seeing muggles asking for Snape's autograph. Luckily, the "weird muggles" failed to notice Harry and Hermione, or Neville, who was getting milk.*  
  
Hermione: *claps her hands in Harry's and Ron's faces.* SNAP OUT OF IT!  
  
*Ron gives a slight jump and Harry starts.*  
  
Harry: That...was freaky.  
  
Ron: No kidding, mate. So Hermione, what aisle do we need to go to next?  
  
Hermione: The dairy aisle, or the one we're in, remember?  
  
Ron: Oh yeah...*face gets red blotches on it.*  
  
Harry: What do we need from here?  
  
Hermione: A half-gallon of milk...  
  
Ron: Does it matter what kind?  
  
Hermione: Uh, it says regular, chocolate, or strawberry.  
  
Ron: CHOCOLATE! *grabs a half-gallon of chocolate milk and dunks it into the cart like Michael Jordan.* SCORE! *Just then, an explosion is heard, and regular 2% reduced fat milk showers them; most people just get sprinkled a bit, but Hermione gets the worst of it: all over her hair. Luckily, Snape had traipsed to another aisle. They are all confused at first, but then they turn and see Neville cowering with his wand out; he quickly hides it.*  
  
Harry: NEVILLE!  
  
Neville: Um, sorry guys, I, uh... tried to use the wingardium leviosa spell to float the milk to my cart, but...  
  
Hermione: *ringing milk out of her hair* Neville, you're not supposed to use magic here, it's a muggle store...how many times do I have to keep telling people that?  
  
Neville: Sorry. *still cowering*  
  
Hermione: *sighs* It's ok, Neville. *looks around and sees that Neville doesn't have any partners* Er-where are your partners?  
  
Neville: *grows pale* I...don't....everyone partnered with someone else...  
  
Hermione: *looks sympathetic* Why don't you join our group, then?  
  
Ron: But what about the three people to a- *he starts to say this hopefully, but Hermione gives him a stern look so much like McGonagall's that he stops talking immediately.*  
  
Hermione: I think Dumbledore will allow you to be in our group, Neville; the number of students are uneven anyway. *Neville gives a slight grin.* Now, excuse me, but, I have to go scourgify all of this milk out of my hair.  
  
Ron: But what about the no magic rule?  
  
Hermione: Oh, Ron, honestly... *goes to the restroom*  
  
Harry: Look, the list's on the floor; Hermione must've dropped it when the milk explosion occurred. *Neville turns pale yet again as Harry picks up the list and shakes it to get the milk off of it.* Next it says to get shredded cheese, any kind. Hmm... *looks around at all of the cheeses, but settles on Colby and Monterey Jack.*  
  
Ron: Next?  
  
Harry: A dozen of eggs, no that's half a dozen, Ron- check to make sure they're not cracked- no, that's 18 eggs,- there, that's a dozen.  
  
Ron: Here, Harry catch! *Ron throws the eggs to Harry, who is about 5 feet away, and Harry, reading the list, fails to notice the flying carton of eggs, and as a result, they all crack and splatter all over the floor.* Ron!  
  
Ron: Oops, I didn't know! My mum's eggs have a spell on them so that they won't crack until you're ready to use them!  
  
Harry: *checks list quickly* Ok, that's all we need from here, lets scramble...I mean scram! *Harry runs away just fine, but Ron trips in the egg yolks and gets them all over his face.*  
  
Ron: !@#$... Harry, I'll be right back...  
  
Harry: Ok, meet you in the canned food aisle! *Harry sprints away from the "crime scene" as Ron covers his face and runs to the bathroom, almost running into Hermione.*  
  
Neville: Hey, Harry, wait up! *trips in the egg yolks too.* &*@& I'll meet you in the canned food aisle, then! *walks to the bathroom*  
  
Hermione: Hey, watch where you're- Ron?!  
  
Ron: *turns the color of a tomato* Eggs...threw...tripped...canned food aisle...  
  
Hermione: *looks at him oddly, but strangely understands what he said.* Oh, I'll be in the canned food aisle then, k?  
  
Ron: *looks at her incredulously and nods his head*  
  
Meanwhile Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle were at the sweets aisle.... (In other words, that thing where the candy is that you scoop out and put into a bag)  
  
Draco: So, do you guys have any ideas of how to get back at Potter and the Gits yet? *Crabbe and Goyle shake their heads blankly.*  
  
Draco: *thinks hard* It has to be something...that looks like we weren't the ones doing it... *Crabbe looks like he is thinking hard, if that's humanly possible*  
  
Crabbe: How about... (no, you won't find out till later)  
  
Draco: *looks a little amazed and weirded out* Crabbe, you're scaring me...that plan might actually work. *Crabbe and Goyle grin.*  
  
*Finally, Ron is back and Neville meets up with him Harry, and Hermione in the canned food aisle after half an hour.*  
  
Hermione: What took you so long, Neville?  
  
Neville: I, um, got lost...  
  
Hermione: Oh... well, could you get the next item on the list, then? We already got canned peaches and pears.*  
  
Neville: Ok, what is it?  
  
Hermione: *reads list* Canned ravioli- no that's spaghetti, that's ziti, no that's Spaghettio's! *looks annoyed as does Harry and Ron*  
  
Neville: Uh oh, Spaghettio! *finally succeeds in finding ravioli and throws it in the cart* Anything else?  
  
Hermione: Yeah, green beans- but why don't I get them? *gets green beans and puts them in the cart* Now we have to go to the sweets aisle.  
  
Ron: YEAH, MY FAVORITE AISLE!  
  
Harry, Neville and Hermione in unison: *in an undertone* Naturally. *They walk to the sweets aisle*  
  
Hermione: The first thing we need is a pound of gummy bears.  
  
Ron: I'll get them! *opens up the flap of gummy bears, sticks his hand in, uses his free hand to get a bag, and puts them in*  
  
Hermione: You're supposed to use a scoop, Ron!  
  
Ron: Oops, sorry.  
  
Harry: Next?  
  
Hermione: Two pounds of lemon drops *giggles, as does Harry and Ron; Neville stares blankly*  
  
Harry: *to Neville* Dumbledore loves lemon drops...  
  
Neville: *a look of comprehension comes over his face* Oh!  
  
Ron: Yeah, how much would you bet that these are for Dumbledore?  
  
Harry: So is that it, Hermione?  
  
Hermione: No, we still need half a pound of... *she is cut short by Ron*  
  
Ron: SAMPLES!!!!!!!! *Runs to where the sample people are, which is about 10 feet from the candy aisle* (It's samples day) *Harry and Neville look over at the samples hopefully*  
  
Hermione: *sighs* Go on, I'll be there in a second; I just have to get some caramels, and I'll bring the cart.  
  
Harry and Neville: Thanks! *they run to the samples*  
  
Annoying sample person: Hello, would you like to try some apple cider?  
  
Ron: Do you have pumpkin juice?  
  
Annoying sample person: Don't be silly! If you like this, you can buy a gallon of it in the beverage aisle for just 10 pounds!  
  
Ron: What do I look like, Ritchie Rich? *Sample person looks offended and walks away as Ron gulps down a cup of apple cider.* "AND ONLY ONE PER PERSON!" *the sample person yelled* Mmm...ahhh!!! *Ron starts tap dancing very fast on the spot and can't stop.* Ha-rry, Ne-ville....  
  
But it was too late; Harry and Neville had both taken a sample of eggnog and Harry was now dancing like Michael Jackson in Thriller as Neville was singing "Summertime" This odd combination of singing and dancing drew a crowd, including Hermione, who thinks it's a joke.*  
  
Hermione: Come on, stop it.  
  
Neville: Chinese food makes me- we can't! Sick, and I think it's- the drinks- fly when...  
  
Hermione: Oh, really...*takes a small sip of apple cider and starts spinning in circles continuously.* ahhhh!!!!!!  
  
*Draco, Crabbe and Goyle finally arrive, bursting out laughing.*  
  
Harry: MALFOY! WHAT DID YOU DO? *is still dancing like Michael Jackson*  
  
Draco: Don't worry; unfortunately it wares out after a while. *Some people are so impressed with Harry's moon walking that they drop coins on the floor. Draco glowers.* Who did the Michael Jackson potion? *he whispered to Crabbe and Goyle; Goyle nodded guiltily. McGonagall comes over and stares at them strictly and then beckons them to come over to her. Dumbledore is amused by the whole thing and tries to moonwalk unsuccessfully.* *After Harry's dancing wares out the crowd goes away. Gradually, Ron's, Neville's and Hermione's potions run out, but it takes a while for Hermione to stop spinning.*  
  
Hermione: Oh, I'm going to get Malfoy! *Is so dizzy that she falls*  
  
Ron: Here. *pulls her up*  
  
Hermione: *blushes* Thanks Ron, and that was some tap dancing!  
  
Ron: *tries to look cool* It was nothing, I'm a natural. *they all laugh*  
  
~*~*End of Chapter 3. I'll continue if I get at least 5 reviews and if I'm not too busy! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter; I think it was a little bit longer than the first two.*~*~  
  
Movie Trivia: What movie is this line from? "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get." Come on, this should be easy! 


	4. The meatseafood, pasta, bakery, and deli...

Disclaimer: I hope you all realize by now that I in no means own Harry Potter, a grocery store, or the items in one. J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter along with 10,000 publishers, artists, movie companies, etc. Grocery stores are owned by the millions of owners of them.  
  
This may or may not be the last chapter of this fic. If it isn't, there will be 1-2 more chapters. I realized that the Euro was the new currency in Europe after I started writing this, but I'm sticking to pounds for this fic. R&R : )  
  
Chapter 4: The meat/seafood, pasta, bakery, and deli aisles  
  
*Ron, Neville, and Hermione are helping Harry scoop up his earnings.*  
  
Ron: *counting the pile in his hands* Wow, I have five pounds right here!  
  
Harry: You can have some of it, it's not like I really earned it, I was under the influence of a potion.  
  
Ron: Thanks, mate! I think I'll buy a...what are those candy bars called with that odd name?  
  
Hermione: What candy bars?  
  
Ron: The ones that are called that word when you can't think of what they're called?  
  
*Suddenly Dumbledore strides over to the group. He is wearing those sparkly plastic sunglasses (star framed) that look exactly like the ones Arnold Schwarzenegger wore in Terminator 3.*  
  
Dumbledore: Whatchamacalits?  
  
Ron: *freaked out* Yeah...that's it. Thanks, Professor.  
  
Dumbledore: *pointing to his sunglasses* I got these in the miscellaneous aisle, 3 pounds. Well I hope you all get a move on, I saw Malfoy and his cronies and they're one aisle ahead of you! *ambles away*  
  
Hermione: *putting some of the money in her purse* We have to go!  
  
Harry: *sweeps up the last pound* Ok, where to next?  
  
Hermione: *checks the milk stained list* The pasta aisle!  
  
Neville: It's right down here. *Points down one aisle; everyone follows him with Ron cart cruising again*  
  
Hermione: Must you do that, Ron?  
  
Ron: Yes! *singing "Surfing U.S.A." but changes the words. "Everyone was cart cruising.... cart-cruising U.K."  
  
Hermione: *sighs* We need one box of pasta, any kind.  
  
Neville: Can we get wheels?  
  
Ron: There's pasta flavored wheels?  
  
Harry: No, it's just pasta shaped like wheels.  
  
Ron: Muggles really do have some screws loose, don't they?  
  
*Neville gets a box of wheels and tries to throw it in the cart, which is two feet in front of him. The box falls to the floor with that slow motion effect often seen in movies; Neville turns pale, and there is a 15 seconds of awkward silence in which a few owls can be heard hooting in the distance*  
  
Neville: *picks up the box of wheel pasta* My bad. *Everyone laughs.*  
  
Hermione: Ok, we need one jar of Del Monte spaghetti sauce. Why don't you get it, Harry?  
  
Harry: Ok. *gets a jar of spaghetti sauce and puts it in a nice neat space in the cart.* It's a wonder everything has fit so well; it should have been full by now.  
  
Ron: I, um, put a compacting spell on it... *some muggles walk by, look at him oddly, and start gossiping while Hermione gives Ron a severe look.*  
  
Hermione: *waits until the muggles are out of earshot* Ron, you can't be putting spells on the cart! *takes the spell off as everything becomes scattered and overflows.* Neville, could you get another cart? And Ron, you can do a compacting spell? I didn't know that.  
  
*Ron grins in spite of his guiltiness.*  
  
Hermione: *checks the pasta food off the list* We're off to the meat aisle now. *They all walk to the meat aisle, Ron cart cruises until McGonagall berates him and takes 5 points from Gryffindor, but awards 5 points for Harry's moon walking.*  
  
Hermione: We need one steak, a lobster, a pound of shrimp, and 3 pork chops. I'll get the lobster. Harry, you can get the shrimp. Ron, you can get the pork chops and Neville, could you get the steak? *walks to the lobster tank and starts protesting about animal cruelty to a miserable 21 and a half year male salesperson* Unbelievable! Simply inhumane!  
  
Salesperson: *turns up his already blaring headphones*  
  
Harry: I've never had shrimp before. Like the lobster, the Dursley's left me only the tails. *Gets a pound of shrimp and looks forward to eating it for the first time in his life*  
  
Ron: *gets three pork chops* Yum, chops! I can't wait to eat these!  
  
Neville: *to Ron* What's the steak, is this it? *is holding up a package of liver as Ron looks disgusted* No, I think that's dragon liver. *Once again muggles look at him oddly.* That's steak. *points to ground beef and everyone meets up at the lobster tank, where Hermione is still protesting.*  
  
Harry: Give it up, Hermione. I don't think the salesperson cares.  
  
Hermione: I'll make him care. *gets a lobster carefully out of the tank and sets it on the floor.  
  
Salesperson: *looks up from his magazine* Hey, you can't do that!  
  
Hermione: Well, I just did. *The lobster proceeds to scurry away. No one bothers looking for it.* Now, I need a lobster. *gets one out of the tank and puts it in a plastic container with holes. Salesperson doesn't care and continues to read his golf magazine.*  
  
Harry: Um, Neville, weren't you supposed to get steak?  
  
Neville: yeah, it's right here. *holds up his ground beef*  
  
Harry: I hate to tell you this, but that's ground beef.  
  
Neville: *looks at the ground beef* That it is Harry, that it is. *goes and finally is successful in getting a steak.  
  
Ron: Where to next, Hermione?  
  
Hermione: The deli and bakery. Why don't you and Neville go to the deli while Harry and I are at the bakery? *rips off the part of the list for the deli and gives it to Ron*  
  
Ron: Why can't I go to the bakery?  
  
Hermione: Fine, just go! *switches lists with Ron* And don't loose it-it has the rest of the list on it! And Harry and I will meet you at the bakery! Don't forget one of the carts!  
  
Ron: *to Neville, as Harry and Hermione walk away with their cart* If I didn't know any better, I'd say Hermione is turning out like my mum... *Neville shrugs.*  
  
*At the bakery, which is about 2 aisles-distance from the deli*  
  
Ron: Mmm *smells air* This is my favorite part of the store. *looks at the doughnuts longingly, then at the list* Excellent, we need a dozen doughnuts. Why don't we each get 6?  
  
Neville: Ok. *gets 3 French crullers and 3 jelly-filled while Ron gets 3 Bavarian cream and 3 éclairs.*  
  
*At the deli* After 15 minutes of waiting in line, and behind grumpy muggles to top it off... Hermione: *to deli worker behind all the meats and cheeses* We need half a pound of chopped ham, please.  
  
Deli worker: Will that be all?  
  
Hermione: No. *checks list* and half a pound of Swiss cheese...  
  
Deli worker: Ok. *gets to chopping*  
  
Hermione: and a quarter pound of salami...sorry  
  
Deli worker: *sighs and continues chopping away*  
  
Hermione: *to Harry in an undertone* See, we don't need house-elves to do all the work; muggles and wizards are perfectly capable of doing stuff on our own.  
  
Harry: When are you going to get off the case of house-elves?  
  
Hermione: *confidently* When they are all freed, that's when! *Harry sighs and thinks how it sucks to have gotten ticket 50 for waiting in line at the deli*  
  
*At the bakery*  
  
Ron: *after buying a pumpkin pie from some of Harry's earnings* Well, that's all we needed to get. *looks at cookies to pass the time* @#$% Harry's face is on these cookies!  
  
Neville: *gets the common freaked-out expression on his face* You know, I saw something similar in the health care section...  
  
Ron: What?  
  
Neville: Harry Potter toothbrushes!  
  
Ron: This is getting weirder and weirder... HEY WHAT'S THIS? *Pulls a coupon from one of those coupon dispensers* Cool! 5% off when you buy 20?! doughnuts, are they mad? *another coupon comes out of the dispenser* WHOAH! *takes it, and yet another coupon comes out, and Ron takes it, too* Dad would love this! *takes so many coupons that the dispenser eventually runs out of them, and a pile 2 ft. deep of coupons is left on the floor; Ron jumps in it like it were a pile of autumn leaves, just as Draco and his cronies comes over...*  
  
Draco: *laughs* What are you doing, Weasley?  
  
Ron: *quickly gets up, then gets an idea* Oh, I just found these...in that dispenser there...they're a new type of muggle money.  
  
Draco: Yeah right, Weasel. *takes one and examines it* It says "coupon." I'm not that stupid. *scratches the back of his head*  
  
Ron: Well, they are. *Crabbe and Goyle have cupped up all the coupons from the floor and are now running from junk food aisle to junk food aisle, grabbing as many sweets as their cart can hold, as if on one of those 3- minute shopping spree contests.*  
  
Draco: What? Those idiots... *runs after them as Ron and Neville crack up after realizing Draco has a lobster attached to the back of his hair*  
  
Neville: Hey, why don't we buy one of these "Harry Potter" cakes *points one out as Ron laughs at the muggle cake artist's interpretation of a cartoon version of Harry*  
  
Ron: Good idea. I have extra money from Harry's moon walking earnings. *buys a cake and hides it with the bag of doughnuts and the pumpkin pie in the cart; then Harry and Hermione come over.*  
  
Hermione: *looks at the pumpkin pie* That wasn't on the list, was it Ron?  
  
Ron: No, I had extra money from Harry's moon walking earnings. Hey Harry, have you thought of taking that up as a future career?  
  
Harry: No! Like I said before, I was under the influence of a potion!  
  
Ron: Hey, Draco has that lobster you let loose attached to the back of his hair, Hermione.  
  
Hermione: Did you tell him? *Ron shakes his head and says "Are you mad?!" as Hermione looks in the cart.* And what's- *laughs*  
  
Harry: What, what is it? *has a bad feeling*  
  
Hermione: *composes herself* Oh, nothing, nothing. *quickly covers up the cake*  
  
Harry: It didn't sound like nothing to me. *Looks in the cart* What- I don't-what-who-would-do-a-thing-like-that?! *the cake has white frosting with a cartoon Harry with surprising kempt hair, wearing red, white, and blue quidditch robes bearing a wingless griffin/lion on one corner of them, in his hand is a silver snitch that is as dented as a quaffle, and on his broom, that is written in green frosting, is "Quidbus 8000." He has a pink lightning scar on his nose.  
  
Ron: Um...I guess it's patriotic Harry Potter?...  
  
Harry: *starts to find it humorous, and, to his friends' relief, a grin comes across his face* You know what guys, this proves only one thing to me...  
  
All else: What's that?  
  
Harry: Never hire an alcoholic cake designer! *they all laugh* 


	5. The Last 2 aisles and the check out coun...

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, which is owned by J.K. Rowling, Warner Bros., etc., nor do I own any brands of food that may be mentioned in this fic! Thanks to all the reviewers!  
  
Chapter 5: The Chips and Miscellaneous aisles and the Check Out Counter *edited*  
  
*After recovering from their laugh about the Harry Potter cake, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Neville walk to the chips aisle, which is the second to last aisle they have to go to.*  
  
Ron: Who has the list? Oh, I do... *looks at list* Ok, someone get cheesy poufs, someone get sour cream and onion chips, someone get *flinches* pork rinds and I'll get cheese popcorn.  
  
Neville: I'll get the pork rinds. Yum! *Everyone looks at him.* What? They're good. *everyone is still looking at him and he blushes a deeper red than Ron's hair, if that's achievable* Ok, I'll shut up now.  
  
Hermione: I'll get the sour cream and onion chips.  
  
Harry: I guess I'll get the cheesy poufs. *imitates that kid from south park* CHEESY POUFS!  
  
Hermione: Ook then. Where to next, Ron?  
  
Ron: The miscellaneous aisle, the last aisle we need to go to, and we better beat Malfoy! *they all sprint to the miscellaneous aisle, which is about three feet from the checkout counters*  
  
Ron: Ok, we each need a Harry Potter toothbrush... oh great. *Malfoy is in the aisle and is mock pretending to brush his teeth with none other than a Harry Potter toothbrush. He sees Harry and his friends.*  
  
Draco: *reading the label mockingly* Nothing zaps the tartar off your teeth better than a Harry Potter toothbrush. So get out your wand...or toothbrush, and start zapping away!  
  
Hermione: Very funny Malfoy, more like immature. *Harry is blushing as Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle are laughing at him.*  
  
Neville: *sees a Draco Malfoy brand bottle of shampoo and reads the label* Hmm, bubble gum scented. *Draco is horrorstruck as Neville continues to read the label.* Do you want bubble gummy hair? Do you want hair to shine like the hair of that strapping young lad Draco Malfoy from Harry Potter? Then there is no other shampoo for you than Draco Malfoy Bubble Gum Shampoo. It's cunning, it's slytheriny, and it smells good, just like Malfoy himself. Also available in tangerine and watermelon. *Draco beats Neville's color of blushing and is put in the Guinness Book of World Records for it. He quickly leaves the aisle with his cronies, who are hard put to stop their laughing.  
  
Harry and Ron: Good one, Neville! *They both high five him.*  
  
Hermione: You three didn't notice, did you?  
  
Harry, Ron, and Neville: Notice what?  
  
Hermione: Well, Draco still has that lobster attacked to the back of his head. *giggles* And I bet Crabbe and Goyle didn't tell him on purpose.  
  
Ron: Either that, or they're incredibly stupid.  
  
Harry: Well, we all knew that. So what did we need again?  
  
Ron: Oh...er-Harry Potter toothbrushes.  
  
Harry: This is ridiculous! *gets a toothbrush and analyzes it* Well, at least they got the hair right this time. *Everyone laughs.*  
  
Ron: And we need a bottle of Herbal Essences shampoo and a teen magazine. That's it!  
  
Neville: *as he's getting a bottle of Herbal Essences shampoo and uses it like a microphone* (singing) I've got the urge to Herbal!  
  
Everyone else: He's got the urge to Herbal.  
  
Neville: I've got the Herbal in the shower...  
  
Everyone else: For another half an hour!  
  
Neville: I've got the urge (natural botanicals)  
  
Everyone else: He's got the urge to herbal! *They all snap out of it.*  
  
Hermione: What...was that?  
  
Harry: Um, the after effects of Malfoy and the Gits' potions? *they all agree, but silently know that it wasn't the potion, but the media's effect on people regarding catchy merchandising songs*  
  
Hermione: I'll get the teen magazine. I love Teen People!  
  
Ron: Hermione, I never knew!  
  
Hermione: Well duh, do you think my hair looks this good without any effort? *points to her bushy hair that right now looks like it got stuck in a hairdryer; she goes and gets the magazine* HEY LOOK AT THIS! *points to the front cover, which is a picture of Lee Jordan and Percy Weasley, who are both wearing bling-bling of such things as snitches and broomsticks, and standing next to 50 cent, who himself is wearing a medallion shaped like a lightning bolt. Everyone stares at the cover like they can't believe their eyes.*  
  
Ron: It says "Lee Jordan to star in a 50 cent video with Percy Weasley and 50 cent himself! PERCY?! *Hermione opens to the story*  
  
Hermione: *reading parts of the article* "After being spotted beat boxing in a parking lot in NYC to make ends meet, Percy Weasley was asked by 50 cent to star in one of his music videos. ... Later on, 50 fired one of his extras because they kept eating all of the food on the set. He asked Percy if he knew anyone who could replace the extra, and he said, "Without a doubt, Lee Jordan. That kid can seriously beat box... or at least give good commentary for quidditch." After asking and finding out unsuccessfully what the heck quidditch was, 50 agreed to let Lee Jordan replace the extra. ....It was then discovered that Lee Jordan really could beat box. Lee and Percy had such a "magical" influence on 50 cent, that he changed the name of his music video to "21 Snitches."  
  
Ron: WHAT?  
  
Hermione: *starts to read again*  
  
Ron: No, I mean, Percy went to NYC and he didn't even send me a souvenir?! *Hermione rolls her eyes and puts the magazine in the cart.*  
  
Harry: There's Malfoy, already at the checkout counter! *points to check out counter, of which there are about 50 in all.*  
  
Hermione: Don't worry I've got an idea. *goes up to Malfoy* Um, you have a lobster attached to the back of your head.  
  
Draco: Do I look stupid? Go away, mudblood. I won this scavenger hunt.  
  
Crabbe: No, you do, really.  
  
Draco: *feels for this supposed "lobster" on the back of his head as the rest of Harry's group comes over. The lobster bites his hand and gets attached to it.* OW! *runs out of the store, with Crabbe and Goyle following stupidly*  
  
Cashier: Hey, you have to pay for that sir! Security! *Security guards bigger than Crabbe and Goyle stomp out of the store.* Some people have no respect! *takes a pack of gum from the candy shelf and chews a piece without paying for it first* Ok, so I guess you're next. He never took all of his stuff. *sighs and dumps it into a bag*  
  
Ron: Hey, what's this thing? *is looking at the conveyor belt*  
  
Hermione: It's a conveyor belt. They use it to slide the food to the cashier.  
  
Ron: That's dumb, why don't they just sum-... *Hermione steps on his foot.* Ouch! I mean... some people are so clever to invent this thing, don't you think? *the cashier is ringing things up so slowly that a snail could do it faster*  
  
Cashier: Sorry, it's my first day. And could you not tell anyone about the gum? *blows a bubble*  
  
Ron: Sure, as long as you don't tell anyone about THIS gum. *takes a pack of gum, at which Hermione grabs and puts back on the shelf.* (whispering) Hey, I just meant for her to not tell anyone that I bought yet another thing that wasn't on the list!  
  
Hermione: Yeah right, Ron. *rolls her eyes for the millionth time* *Finally, after fifteen minutes that felt like an hour, the four friends are on their way out of the store, with two carts full of food, and stomachs full of emptiness. The End  
  
Audience: Hey wait a minute! You can't end the story like that! Who won the race?  
  
Author: Yes I can, it's my story! They won the race! Or did they... Ok, the story is ALMOST over.  
  
*The four friends emerge from the store to a horrifying sight: Mini me is claiming to Dumbledore that he won the race.*  
  
Harry: *walking over to them* Hey, we won! You weren't even in the race!  
  
Mini me: So what? I want the prize!  
  
Neville: You're rich, you can buy anything you want!  
  
Mini me: I know. What is the prize, Dumbledore? *Dumbledore whispers what the prize is to Mini me. Mini me sighs.* Well...I guess you can have it. *gets in his super mini mini Porsche and drives away.*  
  
Hermione: So what is the prize, Dumbledore?  
  
Dumbledore: The prize is...are you all ready?  
  
All: Yes!  
  
Dumbledore: A lifetime supply of toys from the junk machines!  
  
All: What?!  
  
Dumbledore: That and...a thousand galleons each if that sounds any better.  
  
All: Yes! Thanks! *They all get in the bus; the "losers" emerging from the store with sour faces and Malfoy being driven away in a police car for "lobster" theft.*  
  
~* Please review! : ) *~ 


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